Over the past two months, we presented tips to help maintain your desired custody schedule when separating from the other parent. This entry is the third and final entry of the series to help give parents guidance through general custody issues. Make sure to refer back to the first two blogs so that you have all the info that may apply to your case.
Do not let the Children Make the Decisions
Everyone has a different parenting style. Some like to sit back and let the children make their own mistakes, while others hover around the kids to the point of being helicopter parents. No matter what parenting style you prefer, you should always be consistent when it comes to following the custody schedule. So many times, we’ve heard parents say they let their kids decide if they want to see the other parent. The children are not the ones who get to make this decision. You wouldn’t permit your child to stay home from school every day just because they don’t feel like going, so why would you let them ignore the custody schedule? Remember, the custody schedule is a court order that must be followed. It’s not the children who face contempt for ignoring an order. If you permit your children to refuse to follow the court order, you will be the one held accountable.
Let the children take their items between both households.
This issue arises for one of several reasons. Sometimes one parent is more particular and organized, while the other parent is laid back. Parents will frequently argue about buying new clothes or toys for the children, and it gets damaged or lost while at the other parent’s house. The easy answer seems to be that you restrict what your children take to the other parent’s house so the items you buy don’t get lost or broken. However, this practice can be looked down upon by the judges.
The judges want children to have a smooth transition when going from living in one household to two. If children are not allowed to take their items to the other parent’s house, it creates a barrier. It might even influence them to prefer one household over the other for materialistic reasons. The items you get for your children are supposed to be the children’s property, and they need to feel free to take and use their possessions as they please.
Choose who you date carefully.
Most parents have cautioned their children at one point or another by saying, “The people you hang out with can have a huge impact on your future.” These same parents would not want their children to be friends with drug addicts or violent criminals due to the inherent risks.
The same logic applies to parents who are actively dating. The person you decide to be with will have a huge impact on the outcome of your case, and for good cause. The children are inevitably going to spend time around the parents’ boyfriend or girlfriend. So, we need to make sure that this partner is safe to be around children. Don’t panic. Not every crime is relevant. For example, no one will get upset over a conviction for speeding or disorderly conduct. However, the judge is going to put everyone under the microscope in custody court. Make sure you know who it is that you’re dating. DUIs, drug charges, and crimes of violence are going to be a red flag for any judge. In a more serious case, the judge can force you to choose between having your boyfriend or your children.
Do not wait—file for custody.
This is a very specific issue that many people face for different reasons. The main point is you should file for custody the very moment you are not receiving the time you want with your children. Some parents can work together without ever needing the court’s intervention, and that’s great. We hope you never need to bring a case into court. Although, for most parents, they will need some kind of direction from the court to help structure a custody schedule.
In some instances, one parent will outright refuse to let the other parent see their children. We’ve heard every excuse for this kind of behavior. Maybe the parent doesn’t feel comfortable with the children staying overnight at the other parent’s house. Or maybe they don’t like the other parent’s partner. Just remember that you have rights to your children.
With the above in mind, the court will treat your case as seriously as you do. If you wait a year to finally bring the matter into court and expect a 50/50 schedule, you might be disappointed. On the other hand, if you go to court immediately, you have substantially improved your chances of getting the time that you want with your children. Don’t wait. You need to get an attorney immediately and protect your rights.
Again, if you are just starting the custody process or facing challenges in your custody matter, please contact our office, and any one of our attorneys will be happy to help.
